It's Official!

We are actually moving. Job be damned! After John spent quite a long time job searching, we decided that we need to be where the jobs are. (In the current economy, everyone is trying to hire locally to save money.) So after reviewing our options, we're going to....AUSTIN, TX!!

Yes. I did actually say I'm moving to the country of Texas. I'm scared for me too. But like I keep reminding John, Austin isn't like the rest of the state. My east coast ways may kind of fit in there. At least that's what I'm told. I've never been there! This is a giant leap of faith for me, but I feel really good about it. WE feel really good about it.

We'll be packing up the truck the last weekend in June and heading out July 1st!! If you happen to live along our route, let us know and we'll stop by to visit. We'll be going from here to DC to stay with friends for a day or two, then through Virginia, Tennessee, Arkansas, and finally northeastern Texas.

As stressful as moving our entire lives in 4 weeks is (FOUR WEEKS!!! AAAAAAAAAA!!!), we're really excited. The area looks beautiful. (They have trees! Lots of trees!) The schools are good. (Always a concern when leaving the northeast. - Yea. That's right. We're snobby and proud of it.) And we can rent a large house for less money than the average apartment out here. We won't be going larger than we need, but I was expecting to have to bend on what I wanted and I won't need to at all! Yea for 3 bedrooms, a two car garage for the extra storage space, and a fenced backyard I can watch over from the kitchen and living room!!

(Wow, this post has a lot of exclamation points. Excited much?)

Ok. Back to packing.

Loving Ethan

You may have noticed that the mention of Ethan in my last post was fleeting. He has been feeling neglected lately. Justifiably. It was part of what made our issues with Edward so hard. I would end every day knowing that I hadn't spent enough time or given enough attention to Ethan. That he was becoming more difficult because he was tired of taking care of himself. For months.

I am so proud of my big boy for holding up for so long. I'm so proud of him for daily dressing himself, getting his own snacks, playing by himself, and putting up with a mom constantly on edge. I'm so proud of him for not acting out inappropriately for attention, but simply asking for extra help and love.

Last weekend, Ethan went away for a few days. (Thanks Dad, Chris, and Bryson for entertaining him!). It's given us the opportunity to kind start over. Edward finally started sleeping during the day and put himself on a good schedule. I was able to recharge. And Ethan spent more time playing outside in four days than he had in the previous four months. We were all ready to try life together again.

What a difference! Edward is taking real naps. I'm not pulling my hair out. And Ethan has been a joy. Obviously he's still 3, so he's no angel. But because I can take a minute to sit down and explain why he can't run into the woods by the river or ram toy cars into my feet, he actually listens and obeys! (Until he's having too much fun and forgets a few minutes later. Ah, to be 3 again.)

Today was a wonderful day for strengthening our mother-son relationship.

We started with our preschool graduation picnic. We've had great days and miserable days in our mom-taught preschool and we finished on a high note. I made up little graduation certificates and loved the opportunity to kneel down, congratulate Ethan on finishing the year, and give him his first 'diploma'. It was also fun to finish by leading some of the games Ethan and his friends have loved over the year.

Later, towards the end of Ethan's nap, I was packing in the office. When he woke up, Ethan immediately wanted to help. (He is so excited about moving!) So I gave him a box and he "packed" his favorite toys. First went Buzz. Then lots and lots of toy cars. And finally blocks. Each one brought in the seat compartment of one of those push cars for beginning walkers. So dang cute!

My personal favorite today was our little tea party. (He initiated it, I swear.) We practiced pouring the tea without losing the lid of teapot. We sipped and stirred. We giggled. It was wonderful to play something that allowed us to talk and didn't involve crashing.

And finally, John was out tonight so I put down both boys. Ethan isn't thrilled about sharing a room with Edward at the moment, so bedtime can be emotional for him. He was having a hard time settling down and kept tearfully asking to hold my hand "just a little longer". After sitting back down on the floor to comfort him a third time (and becoming more annoyed), I asked why he needed me to hold his hand. Ethan looked up at me and said "Because it's so nice to hold hands, mama."

I've been worried that the very close connection I have with Edward would make the apparent distance between Ethan and I even larger. Even as an infant it was clear that Ethan would be closer to his dad than he ever would be with me. But today reminded me that we still love each other so much. That even when circumstances make it harder to maintain closeness, we aren't losing each other. Today, I couldn't love Ethan any more. What a great boy he is.

15 minutes

That's the average length of Edward's naps. On occasion I'm lucky and get 20 or 25, but not very often. How much can I get done in 15 minutes? It's just long enough to pee, get Ethan whatever he's spent the last twenty minutes begging for, inhale a snack, and MAYBE fold half a load of laundry. Not a whole lot.

And the rest of the day? Much of it is spent just feeding Edward. Although we switched him entirely to formula so that he would actually fill up and thus eat less often (Thanks John!), he'll take 45 minutes to finish his bottle. So lets optimistically say he eats every three hours or so. That's 45 min of eating, at least 15 squirming around before deciding he's tired and zoning out, another 10-20 falling asleep, and then 15 min asleep. That leaves an hour and a half when he should be awake, happy, doing his 4 month old stuff, right?

I wish. Because I'm not nursing him anymore, Edward is afraid I'm going to abandon him. In his perfect world, I'd hold him 24 hours a day. I wouldn't mind so much if he took decent naps, but... We've had to compromise. I can put him down for a while, as long as I stay within two feet of him and in his direct line of sight. If I leave that tiny zone, or just don't look busy enough to not be holding him, my ears are assaulted by the screaming. It's a new scream he's developed, just for me. Edward's strict requirements mean that I move him around from room to room, and from spot to spot, every few minutes so that I can get things done. My side of the deal? At least once a day, I get to let him scream. Yup. Maybe for a quick shower, or to eat, or to clean something I don't want him that close to. All with the wonderful screaming ringing in my ears.

Ultimately, it's working better that the previous method - holding him all day while only managing minimal housework and becoming depressed about how I'm neglecting every single aspect of my life. At least I get those 15 minutes. Three times day.

Big Announcement for Grandma!

Just kidding. We have a history of calling our moms with big news on Mother's Day. Our engagement and both pregnancies have fallen at just the right points to surprise our moms with them. This evening, I checked my site meter and discovered that my mother-in-law checked my blog 4 times in the last 24 hours. Hoping for some news Grandma J?

Sorry that I don't have anything big this year. Only that your grandkids are growing up so fast I can barely keep up. And many thanks for raising such a great son yourself. I can't imagine being a mom to such crazy boys without him by my side. Happy Mother's Day!

Walking for CF

Most of you know that our Edward is named after a friend of mine. Ed passed away several years ago after fighting Cystic Fibrosis for 23 years. He changed the way I see life and how I choose to live it. Oddly enough it was John, who only met Ed once or twice, that wanted to name our next boy after him. I'm going to let him explain why on his blog. (nudge, nudge...)

During Ed's life, the Cystic Fibrosis Foundation made sure that he had the best, most cutting-edge care and support available. Obviously, they not only support CF research, but they strive to improve the quality of life for those suffering from the disease.

On May 17th, John, the boys, and I will be joining Ed's family and friends in a GreatStrides walk to support the CF Foundation. We've already donated the amounts we committed to raise, but because we've seen up close what life with this disease is like, we're asking for your help. No pressure. But if you're so inclined, every small donation can be a big help. You can donate online by going here for me, or here for John. Or get a donation to us by May 16th and we'll take it with us to the event. (A surprising number of companies will match employee donations, so check at work!)

Good Things

I haven't been writing much about the good lately. Even with the misery, we've been having a lot of good around here. Here's a few.

John and I, because the baby keeps us on a weird schedule anyway, have been making time late at night to talk. Having two kids with very different needs makes us miss 'us', so it's been good to take some time to reconnect. Even if it means missing out on a little more sleep.

My recovery this time around was SOOOO much better, meaning I've been able to enjoy having a baby. I've never been a baby person, but I just can't get enough of Edward. Even with his issues, I'm already sad that he's growing up. (For anyone who's wondering why I mention my recovery 4 months out, it was really that bad last time. I don't really remember what Ethan was like until he was about 6 months old. So I'm soaking it all in this time. Maybe in the future I'll write about what I learned from those months.)

Edward, when he's not in pain or overtired, is the sweetest and most happy baby I've ever met. He is a huge flirt, is always ready with a big grin or giggle, and could not possibly love me more. Makes getting through the rough spots a whole lot easier.

Ethan, although he is a typical 3 yr old boy (read: CRAZY!), is so much fun. My favorite thing is his singing. We listen to a super-old Janice Kapp Perry tape in the car and Ethan knows most of the songs really well. I absolutely love to hear him belting out "Jesus understands MEEEE!" and "Who will preach the gospel? I will!" everywhere we go.

And I decided to mess with my favorite cookie recipe and made it even better! I'll post it below for those of you who asked about it. Mmmm. I might need to make some more tomorrow.

The Cookies

Oatmeal Peanut Butter Chocolate Chip Cookies

1 cup butter, softened
1 cup firmly packed brown sugar
1/2 cup granulated sugar
2 eggs
2 tsp vanilla
1/2 cup peanut butter for a very mild flavor. Add more if you want it stronger.
1 1/2 cups flour
1 tsp baking soda
2 1/3 cups oats (quick or old fashioned)
1 1/3 cups chocolate chips

Heat oven to 350. Beat together margarine and sugars until creamy. Add eggs, vanilla, and peanut butter. Beat well. Add combined flour and baking soda. Mix well. Stir in oats and chocolate chips. Drop by rounded tablespoonfuls onto ungreased cookie sheet. Bake 9-11 minutes or until starting to brown on bottom. Cool 1 min on cookie sheet. Remove to wire rack. (makes about 4 dozen)

We're Doing Better

I don't want to jinx it, so no details for now. Just know that we're doing better.

Thanks to everyone who had kind, supportive words. And to Tamara, whose giggles reminded me of how ridiculous I looked teaching the visiting teaching lesson with a screaming baby in my arms. (It was a classic LDS mom moment.)

Barely Concious

That's me. I probably shouldn't try to do anything like driving, or cooking, or child-care. Man. Life needs to stop for a while and let me get some sleep. Last night, I was up with Edward twelve times. TWELVE TIMES!!!

Edward has been slowly deteriorating. Each time we increased his dose of Zantac, the benefits faded more quickly. But because reflux is supposed to peak at 4 months old, I figured I could ride it out. (Someone hit me the next time I think something so stupid. Please?) Peaking means that it's at its worst and will then take several more months to improve. That means sleeping and eating issues for several more months.

Enough is enough. So we had a nice long chat with the dr today. Edward is still managing to grow and gain weight. But his weight gain is just on the edge of not enough. He also has every single one of the odd little reflux symptoms. Spitting up, not sleeping, constantly sucking on anything, back arching, a persistent head-tilt... (That last one is improving, but could mean physical therapy if he doesn't do it on his own.) There have also been a couple of signs that it all may be caused by a food allergy.

We're going to try quite a few things.

First, we're switching to Prevacid. More expensive and harder to give, but it shouldn't lose its efficacy like Zantac did.

Second, adding solids should help with the weight and the sleeping.

Third, I'm going to do some stool testing at work that could confirm an allergy. (If the dr sends it to his lab, we would have to pay for it. So we're taking advantage of my job. Plus it gives us an easy reminder to touch base when I call the dr with the results.)

Fourth, I'm going stop nursing on demand and put the boy on a schedule. This means he'll nurse MUCH less often. Seems backward, I know. But he's using it purely for comfort too often, and stimulating his stomach to make more acid.

And fifth, the biggest, a modified Ferberizing. I've been nursing him to sleep, so he doesn't know how to comfort himself when the pain wakes him up. So we are instituting a bedtime routine and putting him to bed awake. Normally, the Ferber method would have us leave him alone in the crib, but he's too young. So we'll stay next to the crib and sooth him however we can without picking him up. It'll be miserable. But hey. I was up twelve times last night. I know miserable.

Thats our little guy for now. John has been managing more sleep than me b/c he can't nurse Edward. But I'll be recruiting him for these new efforts so that he can share in my zombie-like ways. Hopefully things will improve soon.

My Snuggly Boys

John has always been snuggly. (Don't be getting any ideas ladies!) But Ethan and Edward just aren't the snuggliest of guys. Ethan is good for a short hug on occasion if I make a sad face or when he's hurt. But I'm not his dad, so I don't get much else out of him. And Edward, who is such a mama's boy that he screams when even John holds him, would rather look around at the world or eat my shoulder than give me some real lovin'.

Last night, Ethan wasn't feeling very well. (My fault. I'd used the wrong sunscreen on him and he broke out in a nasty rash.) Even with the Benadryl, he wasn't sleeping well and came into our room several times. Usually, John walks him back to bed and he goes right back down. But last night, as soon as John would get up, Ethan would climb into his spot and snuggle up against me. He doesn't even remember waking up, but I loved those few minutes of snuggly Ethan.

Edward has been sleeping better. Not great. Just better. Once he's down for the night (those few hours when he fights it are the worst of the entire day) we do ok. But it's the naps that are still an issue. Rarely does he sleep longer than 30 min. I'd be able to rock or nurse him back to sleep if I didn't have a 3 yr old who is getting really sick of not yelling or stomping (or spitting or shrieking or....) while his brother is trying to fall asleep. (Edward is also realizing that he doesn't like to be dragged around to Ethan's activities all the time. What fun is the park or a museum for him?) So Edward is tired and cranky a lot. Not all the time, but a lot of it. Today, he was tired without being cranky. And this meant I had my first intentional snuggle! He layed his head down on my shoulder and tucked his little face into my neck. Didn't last long, but it felt so nice.

It may not be often, but I love when my boys are snuggly.

General Conference

What I loved about last week's General Conference.

(If you're not LDS, most of this won't make any sense. Email me or leave a comment and I'll gladly explain any of it, if you'd like.)

1 Standing in solemn assembly both with the women of the church (Picture all of them, all over the world, standing together. So much strength.) and with my family.

2 Tearing up while Ethan, so excited to sustain our new prophet, stood with each and every quorum and raised his hand as high as he could.

3 The overall theme of sustaining the prophet. Loved Pres. Monson's story about the statues of Christ's disciples as reminder that he and the apostles are their latter-day equivalents.

4 The parenting lesson that was disguised as the Saturday Morning session.

5 How obvious it was that the mantle had descended on our new prophet. Still so him, but even more powerful.

6 I was touched by both Pres Packer's and Pres Monson's mention of their wives and how they never complain. After reviewing all of the talks and topics in my mind, these two off topic comments struck me more than anything else. I have a very hard time with people who are negative about life. But I'm one of them much too often. I've spent this week focusing on being more positive and life is just better.

Babies, babies, everywhere!

Baby Lucas

Baby Leah

Can't wait to meet these two beautiful babies. Good job mamas!

Lots of love to everyone else who's expecting. I ran out of hands trying to count you all!!

Changing My Focus

You may have noticed that my blogging has been slowly changing. I started this blog for our extended family, purely so that they could keep up with Ethan. Overtime, more and more of ME has been creeping in. And I like it.

I don't keep a journal, and we don't take nearly enough pictures. But these words give a pretty good idea of our life. My life, and that of the rest of the family. So I'm going to continue writing whatever craziness I feel like sharing, with the addition of some posts about me, purely for my boys.

I am actually working on having a book printed for each year of my blog (3 so far) and one for each year of John's (5!). We're really excited about having this record to pass on to our kids.

(For anyone who's interested, I'm using Blurb to put together and print the books.)

A Whole Family

At bedtime.

Ethan: Mom? I want Dad to hold my hand.

Me: He'll come in and give you a kiss after Cub Scouts. You'll be asleep already.

E: But I miss him.

M: I know you do. He'll come home as fast as he can.

E: Do you miss him, Mom?

M: Of course I do.

E: And Edward?

M: Yes, Edward misses Daddy too.

E: I want him to come home. I want us to be a whole family again.

M: Me too, bud. Me too.

The Constant Topic of Conversation

"You be Zurg!" Then he pushes a spot on his arm and makes laser noises while pretending to shoot at you.

He whispers while pushing a pretend button on his belly "My wings are up, my wings are up" then yells "To Infinity... And Beyond!!!" Then he takes a flying leap off of wherever it is he climbed up to.

"Wow... It'll be so amazing when I have a Buzz costume." If I don't get one for next Halloween, we'll have major issues.

Yes, he does have a SMALL obsession with Buzz Lightyear.

Laughing (and photos)

Because quite a few of you don't even know that John has a blog as well, here is the video he just posted.



And the link to a flicker set with all our photos from the last three months.

(John actually has two blogs. The second is focused on social media marketing.)

The News

A lot of you know at least some of this already. Here is the whole story of why my husband is amazing. (He would write this himself, but as you'll see by the end, he's pretty busy.)

We've been talking about moving for, what, 2 years now? The thing holding us back was John not being ready to start a job search. After Edward was born, we realized that Heavenly Father had stopped gently nudging and had started shouting. So John started looking around and updating his resume. But until two weeks ago, not applying for anything.

About a month ago, John found a great position in North Carolina. He was excited and made a big push to have his resume ready. After two weeks of rewriting, having others look at it, and rewriting again, it was an incredibly powerful resume. I think my dad even swore (by association) about how good a section was in the last draft. Plus a perfectly tailored cover letter and an email that would get their attention. It really would have been shocking for this company to NOT respond.

Respond they did. Less than twelve hours later they asked for salary requirements and whether or not we would be willing to move. So John took the weekend to research and make sure he asked for the right salary. This was tough. Coming from the Northeast, we worried that they would consider even his current salary too high, but we aren't moving without a raise b/c we plan to buy a house. After agonizing, John felt good about the range he gave them (a range b/c it would depend on benefits, obviously.)

We were stunned when the next morning, they responded that they were going to make someone else an offer. The wording told us that they had been waiting on this other candidate b/c they thought John might be better, but that our salary request ended that. Ouch.

My great husband, not willing to have things end that way, emailed back that he was glad they found someone and asked about what it was they had been looking for from us, so that we could have a better idea when applying to other jobs in the area. We were so glad to hear back that John hadn't asked for too much. They realized after reviewing John's qualifications and the job description, that they had created a job that was a higher level position than they had intended. So they actually changed the job description and John was overqualified. And they offered to be available to answer questions about the area if we do continue to look for work there. Which we are.

It was kind of a roller coaster for about a week with this company (and John didn't even make it to an interview!), and we were sorry that it didn't work out with them. They were clearly a company of good people. But the amazing response has been so motivating for both John and I. He spends every moment he can on his job search and I've started working on getting us ready to move.

You should see us. John is doing only his one big chore (dishes) and childcare when I need him to and spends the rest of his time on the computer. I've been dejunking, working on using up the food in the pantry rather than restocking, and packing. Yes, packing. I've already packed up some of the files we don't use regularly and am heading to the bookshelves next. On top of keeping our house cleaner than usual and the addition of a newborn. Crazy, I know.

So, my husband is amazing. When he finally started his job search, he did it with a bang. And it's helping me accomplish more in a day than I previously did in a week b/c I'm so excited for the change.

Wish us luck! If anyone has any leads for an Internet Marketing Specialist (particularly in the Cary, NC area, but it doesn't have to be) let us know!!

Backseat Driver

Who taught my son to drive??? How did Ethan learn the rules of the road??? I may have answered a few questions without thinking about the consequences.

"Two hands on the wheel! ... Higher...Higher...Good." My hands must be at 10 and 2 at all times.

"Mom. MOOOM! Slow down!" As we approach a red light that I am already slowing down for.

"GO. Green light means GO!!" Apparently I don't hit the gas quickly enough for him.

"Mom, you're driving too fast." or "Can we drive faster? We're going too slow." Usually he's right when he says these.

Aren't Babies Supposed to Sleep?

Edward started out as a fabulous sleeper. He made babies seem so easy. Then, it started to change. Our first thoughts were that it was a gas issue. So I lived without vegetables and chocolate for nearly two months. No chocolate for two months!! But he was still getting worse.

So two weeks ago, I took Edward in to have his ears checked and to discuss formula options. After going over his symptoms, the dr asked a few questions and said he suspected that reflux was the problem, not gas. So we started the boy on Zantac.

Miracle of miracles, it worked! For about a week and a half. Suspecting a few other things that could be keeping him up (earache, hunger, etc...) I took him in again. After I made this appointment, the office called and changed the time b/c our dr was covering the nursery and there were more babies that needed extra attention than usual. The new time was decidedly less convenient. I grumbled. I considered canceling. I could have called and had his zantac dose raised without having to go in and pay the copay.

But I'm so glad I didn't! Not because something was horribly wrong. All we ended up deciding was that he needed a higher dose (surprise, surprise). BUT... because I was concerned that my milk supply has been decreasing already, and the boy will need one of those "special" formulas (read: expensive), the dr gave me some. No, not just some, a CASE! Six whole cans! The twenty dollars for the copay wouldn't buy one! Have I told you I love our pediatrician?

And yes. Edward is sleeping better already. We'll just need to up his dose of Zantac every so often to keep it that way.

Listening to the Man in the Moon

Ethan: I see a circle!

John: That's the moon!

Me: Do you see the man in the moon? His eyes, nose and mouth?

Ethan: Yes... Does he talk?

Me: I don't know

Ethan: Shhhh! Be quiet and listen!

Quiet

John: (in funny voice) Ethan, this is the moon

Ethan: Dad, be quiet and listen!

Quiet

Me: What is the moon saying?

Ethan: He's talking about the prophet. And cars. . . . Be quiet! . . . He's talking about buildings and building houses. And trucks.

(Yes, we know that seeing the moon means we had Ethan out waaaay too late. But we were celebrating my awesome husband. More when we know more!)