89 Degrees

Have I ever told you that I hate being hot? I haven't? I HATE being hot. A perfect summer day for me is in the sixties. Maybe the low seventies with a nice breeze. No hotter. And yet, I let my husband drag me to Texas. I know I was the one to decide it, but he still had to drag me kicking and screaming.

Mostly because I HATE BEING HOT!!

Today it was 89 degrees. In February. I was sweating. In February. It's just not right.

I know that those of you back home in the northeast are just counting the days until spring. And you'd kill for a hot sunny day.

Not me. I want a snowstorm. Feet and feet of snow. I want to be all bundled up in my wool sweaters and comfy socks, drinking hot cocoa. I want it all! The ice storms. The shoveling. The below freezing temps! I miss the winter!!

And all of you Texans who are reveling in your "wonderfully warm" winter? You won't be enjoying those extra degrees come summer three figure temps, will you.

I'm so not made for Texas. Someone back east wanna trade? Please???

Ethan's Prayers

I mentioned that Ethan added to his prayers to keep the monsters away.

Tonight, I listened more carefully to what he said. And I was wrong before.

Ethan hasn't been praying for Heavenly Father to keep him safe from the monsters. He's praying for Heavenly Father to help him feel safe.

I think that Ethan's logical mind has always known that there weren't any monsters in his room. But his fear of the dark and of being alone made it hard to remember that. So my smart little boy started praying for what he actually needed. Not safety from non-existent monsters. Just comfort.

I need to remember to do that. Simply ask for comfort.

Man. I love that kid.

I'm not ready!

Edward has decided to have a developmental spurt of sorts. It's so amazing to watch, but it makes me sad. I'm loosing my baby!

Over the weekend, Edward finally decided that walking was better than crawling. He's been walking some for months, but he acted like it was too much work for most trips across the floor. All of a sudden, he went from rarely walking to rarely crawling. We're still amazed when he walks from room to room jabbering away at us.

And the talking! We realized that his large vocabulary has changed. In the past, he understood us, would mimic the word, and point to what we were talking about. He did independently use a few words, but most were repeats after we said them.

Now, Edward says quite a few things on his own. Mostly types of food. And he's constantly trying to learn new words when we label things for him. (I love listening to him sound out new words.) The hard part is that he doesn't have many consonants. We're learning to hear the subtle differences between banana, bottle, bread, cup, ball, done, down, etc.

He has also developed more non-verbal communication. Some are obvious to anyone. When he brings you his shoes and sweatshirt, he wants to go outside. When he makes huge head gestures, he's saying yes. (I have to get video of him nodding yes. I find myself asking him questions all day just so that I can giggle at his giant nod.) Then there are the less obvious. When Edward reaches out his arm, then smacks himself in the head, he wants you to give him whatever he was "pointing" at. How can you refuse a request like that!

This boy is cracking me up. (Boy! Not baby!) I want him to stop right here. No more growing up. It's not allowed. I'm not ready.

Second Breakfast

Ethan, picking his cereal this morning:

"No, dad. That's for my second breakfast!"

We love our little hobbit.

He actually meant seconds, which is shocking. My non-eater ate three big servings of breakfast this morning!

Blessed Sleep

I sent out a plea for help six days ago. Thank you so much for all of your suggestions!

Here's what we did.

First, we cut out the nap. I've had a day or two where I really needed the break from him, but he has been much more ready to sleep at bedtime. (Added bonus, he'll occasionally tell me he needs to "rest his legs" and lay down on the guest bed with a book for ten minutes or so.)

Second, we cut down on the books. We've been reading two books ever since he was old enough to pick. Two was easy then because they were short board books. Now, two is kind of ridiculous. We cut it back to one and he hasn't complained at all. And it gives us the opportunity to reward him with an extra book without punishing ourselves.

Third, we put a fan in his room. We'd been frustrated with staying quiet so that we wouldn't get the "You woke me up" excuse. And even when we hadn't made a sound, kids playing football in the park across the street would make noise. (This may have contributed to the monsters fears.) The fan makes enough white noise to block out just about anything.

Fourth, and maybe the biggest, we found a new way to combat the "monsters" in his room. Our assurances of safety and "monster cleansing" techniques hadn't been enough to calm him down. But after several long talks about how God is bigger than the monsters and can keep us safe, Ethan came up with the idea that he should pray about it. So he now asks for Heavenly Father to keep him safe in his personal prayers each night. Now we only hear about silly monsters.

For six nights now, Ethan has gone right to bed. No screaming fits. No fighting. No hours of reappearing. It's wonderful. Thanks again for your help.

John Sings?

I love my husband. For oh so many reasons. One of them is that he sings.

WAIT! Hear me out!

I know he doesn't sing well. I still love that he does it.

The first time I sat next to John in church, I think I nearly gagged on my own spit when I heard him sing a hymn. I couldn't stop staring at him. He had to know what he sounded like, right? Being such an awesome girlfriend, I pointedly told him how bad he was.

Let's fast forward to when John met my family. I was much more afraid that he would turn and run as fast as he could than any kind of judgments my family would have. (I assumed they would be awed by his relative normalcy.) So we're sitting in church and the first hymn starts. My family is made up of trained singers or those who appreciate vocal music. The instant John opened his mouth, every head in our row turned very slowly in our direction. They were all looking at me with this "You're OK with this???" look on their faces. I think it was the most unified my family had been in many, many years.

By that point, I could laugh at them. John pointed out to me on that very first sunday that hymns are prayers. And that if I asked him to stop singing because I didn't like it, I'd be depriving him of saying those prayers.

Now I love that he has the guts to do it. That the prayers are more important to him. And I love that he sings to our kids. (They love it too.)

--------------------------------
I wrote this because I saw a writing prompt (and hilarious story), and because I was at choir rehearsal about an hour ago. It seemed appropriate.

The prompt is: Why even sing? Write about a time when people were singing badly.

Thank You

These last few weeks have been teaching us how many people care about us. We've received so many gestures of kindness and help. Because we've been so overwhelmed by the love everyone has shown us, we've been trying to say thank you to each person, no matter how small the gesture.

Today, I don't know who to say thank you to. You know who you are. Please know that what you did has made us feel very loved on a hard day. Thank you.

I Just Don't Understand

Ethan is still having issues with going to bed. Naptime and bedtime are the absolute worst times of my day. (And yes, he still needs his naps. You should see how much worse it is when he doesn't get them!)

He's had the same routine for most of his life and he makes sure we stick to it. Not a problem. The first issue is that he wants to switch the person doing it after each step. I think we may have allowed it some when he was younger, but not for some time. He knows that the person he chooses to put him to bed stays for the whole process. But everyday, he asks. And several times a week, he gets hysterical about it. We wrestle him into bed, offer him his prayer, songs, or holding hands (whatever comes next) three times, and move on to the next when he keeps screaming at us. (We've tried just doing them, but then he starts hitting. So now he has to tell us he wants them.) Eventually, we kiss him on the top of his head and leave him screaming. If he stays in bed, he eventually will scream himself to sleep.

You can imagine how much worse that whole process is when only one of us is home and he doesn't get to pick who puts him down. Like naptime. When the screaming keeps his brother from going down too. Fun for me.

I said "If he stays in bed..." This is an even bigger problem. Ethan will not stay in his room longer than five minutes. We'll see him every few minutes for HOURS. Sometimes he screams and cries, sometimes he just wimpers. But he always comes out. We've tried everything. We've calmly put him back in bed over and over. We've talked during the day and again at bedtime about how we go to sleep. We've put in extra nightlights to scare away monsters. We've taken away the extra nightlights because he plays with them. We've taken away every toy he takes to "sleep under his bed." We've pleaded. We've yelled. We've threatened. We've even tried spanking. (Gets us a few more minutes in between, but he still comes back out.)

Nothing is working. We love this kid the rest of the day, but we hate him at bedtime. I just don't understand what's going on. So I have no idea how to fix it.

Smiles

After my little breakdown this morning (why is it the little things that you feel the most?), the boys worked hard to keep me smiling.

Edward, who has had a fever for the last day or so, spent all morning giggling away. I love that boy. Watching him talk animatedly with his toys made me smile. His crazy giggles when he caught my attention made me laugh. And his big "mmmmmAA" when I made a kissy face made me kiss him over and over.

Ethan sat down to show me each and every valentine he received today, and told me all about the cupcake he decorated. I love his excitement. He wrote letters for me on his white board and tried over and over to spell Mom. (He did get Mama.) I love his little furrowed brow. And he climbed up next to me while we played a game. I snuck in some snuggling while he happily beat me.

I really do have the greatest kids. (And they have never done this! Although that would make me laugh too.)

Emotional Day

You know it's going to be an emotional day when finding out that someone has paid the $2 for your son's pizza party at school makes you burst into tears.

:(

No job. Like I told my sister, we had a little pity party and then got over it.

Here's what happened. This company fully intended to hire John. BUT, just last week they received a call from an applicant who had been working for their competition. Apparently she hadn't signed a non-compete agreement, and was very interested in this open position. Unfortunately for us, she is just as qualified as John and has much more relevant experience. Ouch. But we understand.

There is an up-side, though. The woman he met with felt really bad about having to turn John down. And she happens to be a relatively big name in their industry. So she took John out to lunch and talked about how she can help him. He came home with quite a few leads on companies who may be hiring in the near future, names of some other people to talk to, and an invitation to an event with industry executives where she will introduce him around. (He also learned that the salary range for his particular niche of marketing is much higher than we'd thought. Yay for specializing!)

We kind of wish this had been a short story instead of a potential epic. But we know that there is a reason he didn't get this job. We're not giving up.

An extra bonus, John has found some contract work through some old friends. So hopefully we'll have at least a trickle of income soon.

The Scary Part

John decided to publicly break the news about his job last night. I was waiting to see how his interview goes tomorrow. But I told the whole Relief Society while teaching a lesson on Provident Living, so it's not really a big secret. (I've enjoyed your guesses as to what's wrong. Right now, I would rather be pregnant. Scary, right?)

So, John has been unemployed for two weeks. My first reaction was, no biggie. We've done this before. And he already had a jump on things with several interviews already scheduled. (He wanted out.) Then I started to look into it.

In the past, I was working. Not so this time. I immediately applied for every MT job available in the greater Austin area. There were 3. Apparently, even the hospitals and clinics are being hit hard. I'm still waiting to hear something, but I don't have my hopes up.

In the past, we didn't have kids. It's amazing how they add to every single bill. We would probably turn off the heat all together (it doesn't really get cold here) if not for them. We could live completely off of our food storage if they didn't need the whole milk and dairy for growth and neural development. And gas! Just getting Ethan places so that he still feels like life is normal drives up our gas bill.

In the past, we had savings to cover us for several months. This year, we moved, went to disney (which was unpaid time for John), and flew out for two family emergencies. Our savings account is pretty worthless at the moment.

That gets us to the scary part. We've never been in a place where we had no income at all and lots of expenses. Even cutting out nearly everything we can, we run out of money in about a month. I've been quickly learning about all of the government and private aid available. Did you know that the forms to apply for food stamps are horrendous? And that they can make you reapply EVERY MONTH if they want to??? I've discovered that there seem to be an infinite number of Medicaid options. And that the people at WIC are very nice. Biggest of all, I've learned that having zero income actually excludes you from some aid. Weird.

We have started to see little blessings. Like the notification that a medical procedure Edward had done way back in Boston was actually supposed to be covered by insurance. So we'll be able to get our money refunded. And the many people who heard and immediately called to say they had some food they wouldn't be using. (Seriously. We could buy only milk and dairy for at least a month.)

The big thing we're watching out for is lessons. Being in a position where we don't know how we'll keep a roof over our boys heads is opening our eyes. The stress is all encompassing and we feel like we understand the worries of others more. The sudden need to cook and eat as cheaply as possible, and stretch what we have, is forcing me to learn quickly. Overall, it is helping me focus my calling towards the immediate needs in the ward rather than planning for future problems.

(John's biggest lesson so far has been realizing what he's good at.)

So, we're hanging our hopes on a big interview John has tomorrow (tues.) He knows the members of the marketing team there, and (because of a tip from one of them) he was able to sit down with them before the job was even available to discuss what they would be looking for. Essentially, they're looking for John. As long as they don't have a candidate with the same qualifications but more experience, we think they'll have good news for us. We're preparing for the worst, but hoping for the best. Keep us in your prayers!

THWOMP!

It's late. And Edward woke up a few minutes ago. John immediately stuck his finger on his nose and said "Not it!" Man...

Edward was sitting up and crying. While I swept the crib with my hands I asked "Where's your pacifier?" Edward reached behind his leg, grabbed his paci, popped it in his mouth and THWOMP. Out like a light. I nearly burst out laughing.

He didn't need me at all. Except to remind him that all he really needed was his pacifier.

Walking Away

Wow. I don't know what's up with my boys, but they haven't been sleeping. Skipping naps, taking hours to settle down at night, and frequent middle of the night crying has created "The Crankiest Children on the Planet."

It's also created some parents who have a great desire to walk away. Last night, John finally did! After nearly two hours of Ethan coming out of his room, screaming hysterically when taken back in, and waking up his brother every time, John had enough. (I was spending the entire time working on a form for some government assistance. Swearing under my breath at the audacity of the government to create such a horrid form.) So John grabbed the iPod and walked out.

After 45 minutes or so, he walked back in to see Ethan out of his room again. It was actually kind of funny. Ethan knew how mad his dad was, so he just stood there. John knew he would explode if he opened his mouth, so he just stood there. Finally, John turned around and walked out again. When I called him a while later to tell him that Ethan was finally asleep, he was sitting in a movie theater waiting for the show to start. He'd walked all the way to the theater! (He was smart enough to call a friend for a ride home rather than walking in the middle of the night.)

When the kids woke up early this morning, John got up, fed them breakfast, then let them loose at my sleeping form while he showered and practically ran out the door. To sit at Starbucks and work in peace. So I'm left with the fussing, the crying, the whining, the clinging, the yelling, etc. It's only 9 am and I'm ready to be done. Can I walk away please???

Post Script: It's now 3pm and the day hasn't gone so badly. Both boys napped and they managed to play without fighting or whining most of the time. Plus John is on his way home. I guess I can handle sticking around for a while longer.

Currently Stretching

“I believe our spiritual strength is directly related to the extent to which our souls are stretched.”

Elder Alexander B. Morrison

Not Quite as Planned

"Nevertheless the Lord seeth fit to chasten his people; yea, he trieth their patience and their faith. Nevertheless—whosoever putteth his trust in him the same shall be lifted up at the last day. Yea, and thus it was with this people. For behold, I will show unto you that they were brought into bondage, and none could deliver them but the Lord their God, yea, even the God of Abraham and Isaac and of Jacob."

Mosiah 23:21-23

Oddly enough, this is my favorite scripture. The very first phrase is one that's stuck with me for years. "Nevertheless the Lord seeth fit to chasten his people." We get extra trials because we follow Him. Or maybe, He wants to spare us the trials that would come anyway, but he allows them to come our way to strengthen us. To refocus us.

Yup. We're feeling it here at Casa De Boys. Life doesn't turn out rosy all the time. BUT, there are the other two verses. He's asking for our trust. Our faith. Our patience. If we give it, he will deliver us. Oh please, deliver us.

I'm intentionally not explaining because I'm not quite ready yet. We're all healthy. I'll put that out of your minds. This particular trial is one that isn't new to us. But it's so much scarier this time around.

Edward's 12 Month Checkup (at 13 Months)

I finally gave up on the first dr we tried here in TX and tried a new one. He came highly recommended, but we all know I can be a tad picky when it comes to doctors, so I didn't get my hopes up.

He was fabulous! Very knowledgeable AND good with kids. (You'd think most pediatricians would be good with kids, but I've found it to be a very rare thing.) He made Edward happy by climbing up on the exam table with him for the exam, and me happy by being incredibly thorough. Ethan will love the Spiderman pictures covering the walls in his exam room. I think we've found our new pediatrician!

Anyway. Enough about my doctor crush. You probably want to hear about Edward.

No shockers at this routine appointment. His weight gain has slowed down (surprise, surprise) but not drastically. At 22 lbs he's doing just fine. Time to cut out the bottles. He's walking right on schedule. Still sleeps like a champ. Talking WAY more than your average 13 month old. (We think he's up to 25 or 30 understandable words!!) Understands us incredibly well. (When I told him it was time to put his shirt back on, Edward leaned over, grabbed his shirt, and handed it to me.)

And of course, he got four shots. The regular two plus Hep A (required for preschools out here) and the flu shot I'd forgotten earlier. (Good thing the flu is just barely hitting TX. This weekend was the first batch of cases, in fact.)

So nothing surprising. A smart growing boy.

A gratuitous and fuzzy picture of our cute boy.
And yes, he does eat with a fork. Very successfully.