Barely Concious

That's me. I probably shouldn't try to do anything like driving, or cooking, or child-care. Man. Life needs to stop for a while and let me get some sleep. Last night, I was up with Edward twelve times. TWELVE TIMES!!!

Edward has been slowly deteriorating. Each time we increased his dose of Zantac, the benefits faded more quickly. But because reflux is supposed to peak at 4 months old, I figured I could ride it out. (Someone hit me the next time I think something so stupid. Please?) Peaking means that it's at its worst and will then take several more months to improve. That means sleeping and eating issues for several more months.

Enough is enough. So we had a nice long chat with the dr today. Edward is still managing to grow and gain weight. But his weight gain is just on the edge of not enough. He also has every single one of the odd little reflux symptoms. Spitting up, not sleeping, constantly sucking on anything, back arching, a persistent head-tilt... (That last one is improving, but could mean physical therapy if he doesn't do it on his own.) There have also been a couple of signs that it all may be caused by a food allergy.

We're going to try quite a few things.

First, we're switching to Prevacid. More expensive and harder to give, but it shouldn't lose its efficacy like Zantac did.

Second, adding solids should help with the weight and the sleeping.

Third, I'm going to do some stool testing at work that could confirm an allergy. (If the dr sends it to his lab, we would have to pay for it. So we're taking advantage of my job. Plus it gives us an easy reminder to touch base when I call the dr with the results.)

Fourth, I'm going stop nursing on demand and put the boy on a schedule. This means he'll nurse MUCH less often. Seems backward, I know. But he's using it purely for comfort too often, and stimulating his stomach to make more acid.

And fifth, the biggest, a modified Ferberizing. I've been nursing him to sleep, so he doesn't know how to comfort himself when the pain wakes him up. So we are instituting a bedtime routine and putting him to bed awake. Normally, the Ferber method would have us leave him alone in the crib, but he's too young. So we'll stay next to the crib and sooth him however we can without picking him up. It'll be miserable. But hey. I was up twelve times last night. I know miserable.

Thats our little guy for now. John has been managing more sleep than me b/c he can't nurse Edward. But I'll be recruiting him for these new efforts so that he can share in my zombie-like ways. Hopefully things will improve soon.

My Snuggly Boys

John has always been snuggly. (Don't be getting any ideas ladies!) But Ethan and Edward just aren't the snuggliest of guys. Ethan is good for a short hug on occasion if I make a sad face or when he's hurt. But I'm not his dad, so I don't get much else out of him. And Edward, who is such a mama's boy that he screams when even John holds him, would rather look around at the world or eat my shoulder than give me some real lovin'.

Last night, Ethan wasn't feeling very well. (My fault. I'd used the wrong sunscreen on him and he broke out in a nasty rash.) Even with the Benadryl, he wasn't sleeping well and came into our room several times. Usually, John walks him back to bed and he goes right back down. But last night, as soon as John would get up, Ethan would climb into his spot and snuggle up against me. He doesn't even remember waking up, but I loved those few minutes of snuggly Ethan.

Edward has been sleeping better. Not great. Just better. Once he's down for the night (those few hours when he fights it are the worst of the entire day) we do ok. But it's the naps that are still an issue. Rarely does he sleep longer than 30 min. I'd be able to rock or nurse him back to sleep if I didn't have a 3 yr old who is getting really sick of not yelling or stomping (or spitting or shrieking or....) while his brother is trying to fall asleep. (Edward is also realizing that he doesn't like to be dragged around to Ethan's activities all the time. What fun is the park or a museum for him?) So Edward is tired and cranky a lot. Not all the time, but a lot of it. Today, he was tired without being cranky. And this meant I had my first intentional snuggle! He layed his head down on my shoulder and tucked his little face into my neck. Didn't last long, but it felt so nice.

It may not be often, but I love when my boys are snuggly.

General Conference

What I loved about last week's General Conference.

(If you're not LDS, most of this won't make any sense. Email me or leave a comment and I'll gladly explain any of it, if you'd like.)

1 Standing in solemn assembly both with the women of the church (Picture all of them, all over the world, standing together. So much strength.) and with my family.

2 Tearing up while Ethan, so excited to sustain our new prophet, stood with each and every quorum and raised his hand as high as he could.

3 The overall theme of sustaining the prophet. Loved Pres. Monson's story about the statues of Christ's disciples as reminder that he and the apostles are their latter-day equivalents.

4 The parenting lesson that was disguised as the Saturday Morning session.

5 How obvious it was that the mantle had descended on our new prophet. Still so him, but even more powerful.

6 I was touched by both Pres Packer's and Pres Monson's mention of their wives and how they never complain. After reviewing all of the talks and topics in my mind, these two off topic comments struck me more than anything else. I have a very hard time with people who are negative about life. But I'm one of them much too often. I've spent this week focusing on being more positive and life is just better.

Babies, babies, everywhere!

Baby Lucas

Baby Leah

Can't wait to meet these two beautiful babies. Good job mamas!

Lots of love to everyone else who's expecting. I ran out of hands trying to count you all!!

Changing My Focus

You may have noticed that my blogging has been slowly changing. I started this blog for our extended family, purely so that they could keep up with Ethan. Overtime, more and more of ME has been creeping in. And I like it.

I don't keep a journal, and we don't take nearly enough pictures. But these words give a pretty good idea of our life. My life, and that of the rest of the family. So I'm going to continue writing whatever craziness I feel like sharing, with the addition of some posts about me, purely for my boys.

I am actually working on having a book printed for each year of my blog (3 so far) and one for each year of John's (5!). We're really excited about having this record to pass on to our kids.

(For anyone who's interested, I'm using Blurb to put together and print the books.)

A Whole Family

At bedtime.

Ethan: Mom? I want Dad to hold my hand.

Me: He'll come in and give you a kiss after Cub Scouts. You'll be asleep already.

E: But I miss him.

M: I know you do. He'll come home as fast as he can.

E: Do you miss him, Mom?

M: Of course I do.

E: And Edward?

M: Yes, Edward misses Daddy too.

E: I want him to come home. I want us to be a whole family again.

M: Me too, bud. Me too.

The Constant Topic of Conversation

"You be Zurg!" Then he pushes a spot on his arm and makes laser noises while pretending to shoot at you.

He whispers while pushing a pretend button on his belly "My wings are up, my wings are up" then yells "To Infinity... And Beyond!!!" Then he takes a flying leap off of wherever it is he climbed up to.

"Wow... It'll be so amazing when I have a Buzz costume." If I don't get one for next Halloween, we'll have major issues.

Yes, he does have a SMALL obsession with Buzz Lightyear.