Belly Dancing

Yes, it's my belly that's doing the dancing. I'm sitting here watching Edward doing a little tap dance. It's the craziest thing. My belly is bouncing all over the place. Unfortunately the video camera is out of charge, so we can't capture it on tape. (Stewart, you got lucky this time.)

Why is he wearing different clothes?

Well, he is two, so it's not unusual for him to need to change his clothes. But today it's funny. The first part funny ha-ha, the second funny weird.

Ethan saw one of the other kids at preschool use the big potty without a special seat. So he's been determined to do it. It's funny to watch him get himself onto the toilet. He scoots all the way back and sits on the back edge. Sometimes without the benefit of a stool to get there. Impressive, until today. Today, Ethan fell in. I managed to keep myself from laughing out loud while I pulled him out, dried him off, and changed his wet shirt. (Yea. He really fell all the way in. Only held up by his armpits and knees.) Luckily, he climbed right back on and used the potty, not afraid of it. I guess this means I can't tell him he won't fall in any more.

His pants survived the potty incident because they were around his ankles. But they didn't survive naptime. Ethan must not have fully drained himself after falling in b/c when he came out of his room after naptime, his pants were wet. Not soaked, but wet enough. So I changed him and went looking for where the accident occurred. I'd been hearing him for a few minutes before he came out, so I knew it may not be in bed, but the spread pattern suggested that it was. Nope. Dry sheets. Even a dry floor in the spot where he occasionally sleeps after rolling out of bed. And I could find no sign of wetness anywhere. I'm still confused and can't really believe that Ethan had a fully contained accident. Weird.

So that's why my son is wearing completely different clothes than when we started the day. At least it was a good day, so all the wet nasty clothes aren't making me more frustrated.

What a week!

This entire week, I kept wishing for it to be over. Ethan has been a little nightmare. But only at home. So I guess it's good that we were busy and out of the house a lot. Actually, we had some really great times this week (it's just that the bad times at home seem to overshadow everything else.)

On Tuesday, Ethan had his great dr's appt and then we went to the church to help cook lunch for nearly 100 missionaries and the general authority that was teaching at their zone conference. Although Ethan spent most of the time in the nursery playing with the other kids, he was so excited about making lunch for the missionaries that I let him come out at the end to help us serve dessert. It meant that he was there when they sang to us. Seriously a tear-jerker, and Ethan keeps asking when we get to do it again.

Wednesday was probably the worst day Ethan and I have ever had. I'm trying to forget that it happened, so I'm not going to talk about it any more.

Thursday was our first day of Pinwheel Preschool. The girls were so excited and the boys were shy. By the end everyone was playing together happily and they had all learned about being friends. I don't have to teach until the first week of Oct, but I'm getting so excited! That night, Ethan and I made cookies together. I initiated it to distract him (and because I wanted cookies), but we had a great time doing it.

Anyway, I'm looking forward to starting off this week with a clean slate. Hopefully Ethan will be more willing to use his "listening ears" and take the occasional nap. Also hit less. I'd like that.

I'm sorry, WHAT??

Tonight, when I went in to sing to Ethan before bed, he asked "After Edward can you have another baby?" Seriously.

30 lbs!!!

He did it! Ethan finally broke the 30 lb mark! For our boy who hit 20 lbs at 4 months and was still off the charts at a year, then suddenly stopped gaining weight, we are so excited that he is finally gaining a little weight before he turns 3. (For anyone keeping track he gained a pound and 4 ounces in the last four weeks!) He had also managed to grow an inch in a month, so this is a real, legitimate weight gain. Yay!

This means we are off the hook for weight checks for a while. We are still going to keep him on a high fat, protein, and calorie diet, but as long as he continues his upturn, we will be able to cut back after his regular check-up in december. Even the doctor was excited. Such good news!

It's weird to look at pictures of Ethan as an infant compared to how he looks now. He was such a giant butterball. But after two years of using all that extra mass to fuel his height growth, he is a tall and lean boy. At least we are getting to a point where he isn't an unhealthy thin. (Ethan's uncle Ben should try this diet.)

Preschool

My last few posts have been depressing. So I wanted to write about something exciting. We're starting Preschool!! No, not real preschool. He's not old enough yet. Two other moms and I are doing a little preschool group starting next week. Our kids are a few weeks apart and are all on the shy side, but with great language skills. They'll be perfect together and will help each other really well. Ethan is soooooo excited, he's been taking his backpack everywhere. He's even been talking about riding the school bus. Not sure how to let him down about that one. I'm excited too. The planning is so fun and I can't wait to have something regularly scheduled!

Crying

Today, Ethan threw a monster tantrum. He cried hysterically for an HOUR! I think the problems were the car door, his cup of milk, and his shoes. Really, he was just overtired and has found this new way of expressing his frustration. After trying for 45 minutes to calm him down and get him ready for a nap, I left him to cry himself to sleep. (Which he did, and then slept for two and a half hours.) So sad and so frustrating. When he gets worked up, nothing will calm him down. It's like he blocks us out. At least there was no hitting involved today.

And then there's me crying. Clearly, Ethan is less of the little angel he used to be. But I could still see my baby in him, so I kept hoping he go back to being good. Until I had his hair cut. He doesn't look like my baby anymore. He looks like a KID! A kid who throws tantrums and is aggressive and hits. . . I cried about it last night as a watched him sleep. My sweet boy is gone and now I have this kid that I just don't know what to do with. (Weirdly, in public, he is even more shy than ever. So I get aggressive and ornery at home, and clingy when we go out and I can't carry him around. Never a break.)

Moods

Ethan has been so inconsistent lately. Napping, not napping. Using the potty, wanting only diapers. Little angel, constant tantrums. Some of it is clearly just wanting independence and a say in what goes on in his life. Some of it is learning new things (and the accompanying backsliding of others). Some of it is being tired from the not napping.

I think, strangely enough, part of it is that we have been talking a lot about our moods and how we are feeling. He's learning how to express things more clearly and put words to how he's feeling. It's so fun to have Ethan wake up and tell us "I'm feeling silly today", and then to spend the whole day making us laugh. It's less fun when he tells us he's frustrated or mad, but like we tell him, it's a part of who we are to have all kinds of moods. It's a learning experience for all of us watch how his moods change, how they are affected by our moods, and how his moods affect ours. As much as we've been really struggling with how to raise this inconsistent boy (and not be frustrated a lot ourselves), we love watching him learn about himself and how to express his feelings so that others understand. He really is a great kid. Even on the days I grit my teeth when I say it.

Looking at that picture....

I have a hard time looking at that picture of my belly. In some ways, it doesn't look that big. But I've got nearly 4 months to go (and to grow). For comparison, my belly is exactly the same size as a good friend who is due in less than 8 weeks. And she is smaller and skinnier than I. Also, Edward is nearly always standing upright, so because most of his hugeness is still just in height, he doesn't push out as much as up and down. More uncomfortable for me than noticeable to anyone else.

The other big reason I can't look at it is that I see the destruction of my body. I miss my body. I know, I know, some of it will recover. The extra weight in places like my arms and face will burn off. But some of me won't make it back so easily. Besides the obvious over-stretching of my belly (and other areas), I see the bad curvature of my back being pulled in a worse direction. Which reminds me of the damage being pregnant is doing to my hips, pelvis, and all the connected muscles. According to my last physical therapist, a lot of this damage is irreversible. His actual recommendation was to not be pregnant ever again. Obviously, I'm just really hoping he was wrong. If he wasn't, a third pregnancy could mean spending a few months unable to walk. I'm really, really hoping he was wrong.

Maybe I shouldn't blog when I'm tired and in pain.