Too Small

Today Edward said "Mom, you're too small for playground. You're too small."

Granted, the boy meant that I was too big and the playground too small. But it struck me that I haven't been too small for anything in quite some time. And that just seems weird.

Growing up, I was very accustomed to hearing "You're too small." It wasn't kids being mean. I really was too small for whatever kids my age were doing. Deficient growth hormone will do that. My mom rejoiced when I defied the doctors' predictions and not only made it close to 5 feet, but passed it during high school.

And I didn't stop! I'm a solid 5'3". Oddly enough, I'm still deficient. Could you imagine how tall I'd be if I produced normal amounts of growth hormone? I try not to think about it. I'm the shortest one of my siblings, and that feels right. Even as the oldest, I was always the little one.

That's why it struck me when Edward told me I was too small. I'm not too small. And I haven't been for years. Maybe it's time for me to change my mindset. I really liked being little. But if I could learn to enjoy being 30 (a whole post on it's own), I can learn to like being a normal size. (Height-wise at least. Even when I look thin, I'll never get used to the bigger number on the scale.)

Becoming a Smooth Stone

Things are looking up around here. (Very, very up. But more on that in the coming weeks.)

As we are finishing up this tough year and beginning new things, I've been particularly impressed to pay close attention to what we've been through. To see how each tough thing, no matter how small, polished off a rough edge.

Ethan asks me about the crosses on other churches on a regular basis. We always talk about how we don't celebrate the crucifixion, but the atonement and resurrection. Last week, it struck me exactly how different that makes us from other religions. We know that the plan we agreed to doesn't allow for the Lord to snap his fingers and make everything easy. The plan requires sacrifice, in many different ways.

Heavenly Father had to sacrifice his son to give us all the chance for eternal life.

Eve had to eat the fruit, sacrificing life in the garden of Eden so that the Lord's other commandment could be obeyed and we could all come to earth.

We've all chosen to sacrifice an easy life for the freedom of choice. To become the wondrous person the Lord sees inside, we have a lot of learning to do. And we all know that lessons stick when you've learned them the hard way.

So here we are. Coming out of a rough year. Feeling a little smoother. A little less rough.

Checkups

Both boys had their well-checks today. They were champs.

Edward is at 25th percentile for weight, but 50th for height. He's already leaning out some like his brother. But with John's family's genes, so he won't be as tall. The dr was again impressed by his vocabulary. We've switched to only counting words we clearly understand, but that's still 50 or 60. And he's cutting 6 teeth at once, by my last count. Needless to say, he hasn't been very pleasant lately.

Ethan is at the top of the chart for height, but at 50th percentile for weight. (Yay for his weight coming up on the charts!) Long and lean. His checkup was more through. Cognitive and developmental tests, hearing and eyesight exams. He passed all but one with flying colors. The one was his eyesight. He's at 20/30. That left eye had a hard time with two letters on the small row. Not a worry at all right now, but he'll get glasses in a few years, I'm sure. Obnoxious genetics.

Ethan also got a prescription for allergy meds. Hopefully our days of sniffles and nights spent listening to him cough are over.

My favorite part of the boy's checkups is always the response these guys get from the drs and nurses. This dr calls them the smart brothers and praises them for their big brains. And one of the nurses today asked me if I was a school teacher because she was so impressed by how Ethan answered her questions during the eyesight and hearing test. (He was so cute. Whispering that he could hear the beep when it was a quite one.)

Unfortunately, the visit had to finish with shots. LOTS of them. I think that both boys hate being constrained even more than they hate the shots. So they start yelling at me the second I get their hands, and it turns to screams with the added pain of the shots. Unpleasant. Luckily Ethan is done until he's 11. Edward... he'll survive a few more.

Why Are We Moving???

I had to ask myself that this morning after yet another wonderful visit with our pediatrician. I LOVE him! Today he celebrated with Ethan for wearing underwear to bed, gave hugs all around (before we remembered we'd be back next week), and gave us TWO CASES of formula! It was just another reminder to me of everything and everyone we're leaving. And a few of the reasons it's time to go.

- All of the friends we've made here over the years. We've made so many b/c of the turnover in our ward. It's finally our turn to contribute and not just miss everyone who left us behind. And we'll all stay in touch, even if it's mostly through blogs!

- Our AMAZING ward. This ward is like a training ground. It functions exactly like the Lord intended. Each member is cared for spiritually, physically, and emotionally, and contributes to the care of everyone else in their own way. Not a simple feat when nearly half your membership changes each year! We'll never be in a ward quite like this again, but it's time for us to put some of what we've learned to good use.

- The wonderful doctors I spent years finding. Literally years. Just the perfect combination of top-notch medical skill and friendship in both our pediatrician and my OB. How can I stand to leave them? I don't know. This is one of the things that I'm hating about this move.

- Boston. Oh, Boston. How we love the culture and history. And hate the traffic and city life.

- The trees of the Northeast. I've written about how much I love trees before. They just make me feel alive. I hope Austin has enough for me.

Those are the big things for me. Why I'm both excited and not so much about this move. If you ask me about how I feel, it'll depend on the day. Or minute. Right now I'm already missing our pediatrician, so I don't want to go.

For the grandparents:
I know I can't leave out how Edward's 6 month dr's appt went. He is doing great developmentally, dutifully showing the dr all of his tricks. Like holding his own bottle. And trying to roll off of the table.

Growth is slowing down, but not enough to worry. He's at 17 pounds, which is 50th percentile. Down on the charts, but so is his height. He'll hit a growth spurt soon enough. I think he may have the shorter J genes. We'll just have to wait and see!

30 lbs!!!

He did it! Ethan finally broke the 30 lb mark! For our boy who hit 20 lbs at 4 months and was still off the charts at a year, then suddenly stopped gaining weight, we are so excited that he is finally gaining a little weight before he turns 3. (For anyone keeping track he gained a pound and 4 ounces in the last four weeks!) He had also managed to grow an inch in a month, so this is a real, legitimate weight gain. Yay!

This means we are off the hook for weight checks for a while. We are still going to keep him on a high fat, protein, and calorie diet, but as long as he continues his upturn, we will be able to cut back after his regular check-up in december. Even the doctor was excited. Such good news!

It's weird to look at pictures of Ethan as an infant compared to how he looks now. He was such a giant butterball. But after two years of using all that extra mass to fuel his height growth, he is a tall and lean boy. At least we are getting to a point where he isn't an unhealthy thin. (Ethan's uncle Ben should try this diet.)

My E Boys: Edward...

I made the mistake a few weeks ago of telling John how much easier this pregnancy has been. The meds are WONDERFUL and mean I don't struggle to keep my blood sugar up this time. And having Ethan means that I just forget I'm pregnant most of the time.

Or at least that was the case. Meds are still good, but I'm having to be more careful about veggies and anything else that causes gas bubbles. Talk about painful. The bubbles not only hurt, but they cause contractions, which Edward then pushes back against. It's like labor pains! I guess I just don't have much room in there any more.

That's the other crazy thing. I'm 21 weeks, when they say you should be starting to feel your baby moving. HA! Not only did I start feeling him at 13 weeks, I'm already at the point where I can grab onto his foot when he shoves! He really is that big and that strong. No little flutterings for me.

I'm also becoming large enough for this belly to get in my way. I can't lift much at all. Getting up and down is a problem. Ethan is complaining that he doesn't fit on my lap and I can't get down on the floor to play as easily. My poor stretch marks are itching like crazy. And I still have 4 months to go!! (I need to post a picture so that people will believe me.)

At least I know Edward is growing! He's already making himself a big part of our family.

Scrawny Boy

Ok. I am really getting sick of this.

We visited the dr today for what I had hoped was Ethan's last weight check. Although he is getting taller right on schedule, the boy has only managed to gain about an ounce a month, instead of the six he should be gaining. To give you some perspective on that, he gained about a third of a pound since his last weigh in, but should have gained three pounds. Arrgh! Back on the high calorie, high fat, high protein diet. They even want us to mix half whole milk and half cream in his cups for a few weeks.

Because I've been so annoyed that we've had to keep doing all this, I asked why this is such a problem. Especially because the dr agrees with me that he is just adjusting to be the tall, scrawny kid we expect him to be. I got a great explanation this time. At first, the problem was his drop in both height and weight on the growth charts. Then, his height leveled off at well above 50th percentile, but his weight kept dropping. Now that he's hovering barely above 25th in weight, they start worrying about his body getting (or not properly using) everything it needs. Particularly the fats he needs for neural development. (That would be for brain and nerve function for my husband who complains that I use big medical words.)

At this point, he is clearly still developing normally. He is ridiculously smart, so no problems there yet, and his physical development is right where it should be. But because we're back on the diet, we are also back to the monthly check-ups. (They want to make sure he gains, but doesn't get the chance to put on any unhealthy weight.)

At least this time I can join him in some of his yummy indulgences. Although there is clearly more of me (in more places than just my belly), my weight isn't going up either. Edward is following in his brother's footsteps at this point. Growing so fast, I can't manage to keep up with the both of us! Hopefully when he slows down in a few years, it's not as much as his older brother.

Growth!

Finally, Ethan has gained enough weight and added enough height for the drs to back off a little. He's jumped on the growth charts this last month so we don't have to go for another weigh in until August. Yay!