It's Official!

We are actually moving. Job be damned! After John spent quite a long time job searching, we decided that we need to be where the jobs are. (In the current economy, everyone is trying to hire locally to save money.) So after reviewing our options, we're going to....AUSTIN, TX!!

Yes. I did actually say I'm moving to the country of Texas. I'm scared for me too. But like I keep reminding John, Austin isn't like the rest of the state. My east coast ways may kind of fit in there. At least that's what I'm told. I've never been there! This is a giant leap of faith for me, but I feel really good about it. WE feel really good about it.

We'll be packing up the truck the last weekend in June and heading out July 1st!! If you happen to live along our route, let us know and we'll stop by to visit. We'll be going from here to DC to stay with friends for a day or two, then through Virginia, Tennessee, Arkansas, and finally northeastern Texas.

As stressful as moving our entire lives in 4 weeks is (FOUR WEEKS!!! AAAAAAAAAA!!!), we're really excited. The area looks beautiful. (They have trees! Lots of trees!) The schools are good. (Always a concern when leaving the northeast. - Yea. That's right. We're snobby and proud of it.) And we can rent a large house for less money than the average apartment out here. We won't be going larger than we need, but I was expecting to have to bend on what I wanted and I won't need to at all! Yea for 3 bedrooms, a two car garage for the extra storage space, and a fenced backyard I can watch over from the kitchen and living room!!

(Wow, this post has a lot of exclamation points. Excited much?)

Ok. Back to packing.

Loving Ethan

You may have noticed that the mention of Ethan in my last post was fleeting. He has been feeling neglected lately. Justifiably. It was part of what made our issues with Edward so hard. I would end every day knowing that I hadn't spent enough time or given enough attention to Ethan. That he was becoming more difficult because he was tired of taking care of himself. For months.

I am so proud of my big boy for holding up for so long. I'm so proud of him for daily dressing himself, getting his own snacks, playing by himself, and putting up with a mom constantly on edge. I'm so proud of him for not acting out inappropriately for attention, but simply asking for extra help and love.

Last weekend, Ethan went away for a few days. (Thanks Dad, Chris, and Bryson for entertaining him!). It's given us the opportunity to kind start over. Edward finally started sleeping during the day and put himself on a good schedule. I was able to recharge. And Ethan spent more time playing outside in four days than he had in the previous four months. We were all ready to try life together again.

What a difference! Edward is taking real naps. I'm not pulling my hair out. And Ethan has been a joy. Obviously he's still 3, so he's no angel. But because I can take a minute to sit down and explain why he can't run into the woods by the river or ram toy cars into my feet, he actually listens and obeys! (Until he's having too much fun and forgets a few minutes later. Ah, to be 3 again.)

Today was a wonderful day for strengthening our mother-son relationship.

We started with our preschool graduation picnic. We've had great days and miserable days in our mom-taught preschool and we finished on a high note. I made up little graduation certificates and loved the opportunity to kneel down, congratulate Ethan on finishing the year, and give him his first 'diploma'. It was also fun to finish by leading some of the games Ethan and his friends have loved over the year.

Later, towards the end of Ethan's nap, I was packing in the office. When he woke up, Ethan immediately wanted to help. (He is so excited about moving!) So I gave him a box and he "packed" his favorite toys. First went Buzz. Then lots and lots of toy cars. And finally blocks. Each one brought in the seat compartment of one of those push cars for beginning walkers. So dang cute!

My personal favorite today was our little tea party. (He initiated it, I swear.) We practiced pouring the tea without losing the lid of teapot. We sipped and stirred. We giggled. It was wonderful to play something that allowed us to talk and didn't involve crashing.

And finally, John was out tonight so I put down both boys. Ethan isn't thrilled about sharing a room with Edward at the moment, so bedtime can be emotional for him. He was having a hard time settling down and kept tearfully asking to hold my hand "just a little longer". After sitting back down on the floor to comfort him a third time (and becoming more annoyed), I asked why he needed me to hold his hand. Ethan looked up at me and said "Because it's so nice to hold hands, mama."

I've been worried that the very close connection I have with Edward would make the apparent distance between Ethan and I even larger. Even as an infant it was clear that Ethan would be closer to his dad than he ever would be with me. But today reminded me that we still love each other so much. That even when circumstances make it harder to maintain closeness, we aren't losing each other. Today, I couldn't love Ethan any more. What a great boy he is.

15 minutes

That's the average length of Edward's naps. On occasion I'm lucky and get 20 or 25, but not very often. How much can I get done in 15 minutes? It's just long enough to pee, get Ethan whatever he's spent the last twenty minutes begging for, inhale a snack, and MAYBE fold half a load of laundry. Not a whole lot.

And the rest of the day? Much of it is spent just feeding Edward. Although we switched him entirely to formula so that he would actually fill up and thus eat less often (Thanks John!), he'll take 45 minutes to finish his bottle. So lets optimistically say he eats every three hours or so. That's 45 min of eating, at least 15 squirming around before deciding he's tired and zoning out, another 10-20 falling asleep, and then 15 min asleep. That leaves an hour and a half when he should be awake, happy, doing his 4 month old stuff, right?

I wish. Because I'm not nursing him anymore, Edward is afraid I'm going to abandon him. In his perfect world, I'd hold him 24 hours a day. I wouldn't mind so much if he took decent naps, but... We've had to compromise. I can put him down for a while, as long as I stay within two feet of him and in his direct line of sight. If I leave that tiny zone, or just don't look busy enough to not be holding him, my ears are assaulted by the screaming. It's a new scream he's developed, just for me. Edward's strict requirements mean that I move him around from room to room, and from spot to spot, every few minutes so that I can get things done. My side of the deal? At least once a day, I get to let him scream. Yup. Maybe for a quick shower, or to eat, or to clean something I don't want him that close to. All with the wonderful screaming ringing in my ears.

Ultimately, it's working better that the previous method - holding him all day while only managing minimal housework and becoming depressed about how I'm neglecting every single aspect of my life. At least I get those 15 minutes. Three times day.

Big Announcement for Grandma!

Just kidding. We have a history of calling our moms with big news on Mother's Day. Our engagement and both pregnancies have fallen at just the right points to surprise our moms with them. This evening, I checked my site meter and discovered that my mother-in-law checked my blog 4 times in the last 24 hours. Hoping for some news Grandma J?

Sorry that I don't have anything big this year. Only that your grandkids are growing up so fast I can barely keep up. And many thanks for raising such a great son yourself. I can't imagine being a mom to such crazy boys without him by my side. Happy Mother's Day!

Walking for CF

Most of you know that our Edward is named after a friend of mine. Ed passed away several years ago after fighting Cystic Fibrosis for 23 years. He changed the way I see life and how I choose to live it. Oddly enough it was John, who only met Ed once or twice, that wanted to name our next boy after him. I'm going to let him explain why on his blog. (nudge, nudge...)

During Ed's life, the Cystic Fibrosis Foundation made sure that he had the best, most cutting-edge care and support available. Obviously, they not only support CF research, but they strive to improve the quality of life for those suffering from the disease.

On May 17th, John, the boys, and I will be joining Ed's family and friends in a GreatStrides walk to support the CF Foundation. We've already donated the amounts we committed to raise, but because we've seen up close what life with this disease is like, we're asking for your help. No pressure. But if you're so inclined, every small donation can be a big help. You can donate online by going here for me, or here for John. Or get a donation to us by May 16th and we'll take it with us to the event. (A surprising number of companies will match employee donations, so check at work!)

Good Things

I haven't been writing much about the good lately. Even with the misery, we've been having a lot of good around here. Here's a few.

John and I, because the baby keeps us on a weird schedule anyway, have been making time late at night to talk. Having two kids with very different needs makes us miss 'us', so it's been good to take some time to reconnect. Even if it means missing out on a little more sleep.

My recovery this time around was SOOOO much better, meaning I've been able to enjoy having a baby. I've never been a baby person, but I just can't get enough of Edward. Even with his issues, I'm already sad that he's growing up. (For anyone who's wondering why I mention my recovery 4 months out, it was really that bad last time. I don't really remember what Ethan was like until he was about 6 months old. So I'm soaking it all in this time. Maybe in the future I'll write about what I learned from those months.)

Edward, when he's not in pain or overtired, is the sweetest and most happy baby I've ever met. He is a huge flirt, is always ready with a big grin or giggle, and could not possibly love me more. Makes getting through the rough spots a whole lot easier.

Ethan, although he is a typical 3 yr old boy (read: CRAZY!), is so much fun. My favorite thing is his singing. We listen to a super-old Janice Kapp Perry tape in the car and Ethan knows most of the songs really well. I absolutely love to hear him belting out "Jesus understands MEEEE!" and "Who will preach the gospel? I will!" everywhere we go.

And I decided to mess with my favorite cookie recipe and made it even better! I'll post it below for those of you who asked about it. Mmmm. I might need to make some more tomorrow.

The Cookies

Oatmeal Peanut Butter Chocolate Chip Cookies

1 cup butter, softened
1 cup firmly packed brown sugar
1/2 cup granulated sugar
2 eggs
2 tsp vanilla
1/2 cup peanut butter for a very mild flavor. Add more if you want it stronger.
1 1/2 cups flour
1 tsp baking soda
2 1/3 cups oats (quick or old fashioned)
1 1/3 cups chocolate chips

Heat oven to 350. Beat together margarine and sugars until creamy. Add eggs, vanilla, and peanut butter. Beat well. Add combined flour and baking soda. Mix well. Stir in oats and chocolate chips. Drop by rounded tablespoonfuls onto ungreased cookie sheet. Bake 9-11 minutes or until starting to brown on bottom. Cool 1 min on cookie sheet. Remove to wire rack. (makes about 4 dozen)

We're Doing Better

I don't want to jinx it, so no details for now. Just know that we're doing better.

Thanks to everyone who had kind, supportive words. And to Tamara, whose giggles reminded me of how ridiculous I looked teaching the visiting teaching lesson with a screaming baby in my arms. (It was a classic LDS mom moment.)