Grandpa G.

I'm in NY for a few days to attend my grandfather's funeral and spend some time with family. And in a way it's been fun to remember what an amazing man he was. (And still is.)

Here's an excerpt from his obituary to illustrate:

"Walt continued his studies at the University of California, Berkley, where his thesis advisor was Nobel Laureate Glen Seaborg, and was awarded his PhD in Nuclear Chemistry in May of 1956. After completing his PhD he served in the Air Force until 1958, when he moved to Basking Ridge, NJ to work for Bell Telephone Laboratories as a member of the Technical Staff. While at Bell Labs, he did groundbreaking research in semiconductor detectors, radiation effects, and ion channeling which led to the success of the Telstar satellite. In 1976 Walt moved his family to their home in Clarksville, NY where he took a position as the Chairman of the Physics department at the University at Albany, State University of New York (much to the delight of his children who thought it was funny that a chemist would be in charge of a physics department). He also held positions as the Acting Vice President for Research and Dean of Graduate Studies, and the Director of the Center for X-Ray Optics. His favorite professional title, though, was that of Distinguished Service Professor which he was awarded in 1988. In 1998 he co-founded X-ray Optical Systems and served as the Chief Technology Officer until his death. His latest research was in collaboration with the Alzheimer's Center of Albany Medical Center."

His professional accomplishments overlap a little with the man I knew through the many, many grad students and post-doc students he nurtured and took on as a part of his extended family. (Everyone was family to grandpa and was therefore worthy of a full measure of his love.)

What I left out of the excerpt above was his childhood and early adulthood. During those early years of his life, grandpa was a sheepherder, movie stunt-man, saxophone player in a jazz band, and even worked as a tour guide in the grand canyon where he was privileged to guide Ansel Adams. Oh how I'll miss the stories about his youth!

But one of my favorite memories is one that only a very few others share. Grandpa Camp. When all of the older cousins would be dropped off for what seemed like weeks. Maybe it was. We'd have free reign of the farm, including the giant climbing tree, and would end the day by telling grandpa about all our adventures. We'd clomp around the house in his clogs. He'd take us hiking on the nature trails nearby to look for salamanders. He'd take us to campus to poke around his office and swim in the big fountain. And he'd tell stories. So many stories.

I'm going to miss those stories. And the completely unconditional love he shared with everyone he met.

Christmas Gifts

The last two weeks have changed my perspective on the Christmas season. I'd already been trying to focus on family instead of things, but apparently I had a ways to go. Since being home, I've had this obsessive need to rearrange and declutter my kitchen. I've been sorting through every cabinet, adding lots to the garage sale box. Because I need more room for good memories. Here's what changed me.

Spending time with Grandpa was so great. And we didn't need any stuff to enjoy our time together. It made me realize that the best gift he can give any of us is himself for as long as he can. After that, we'll be happy with his memories. Thanks for letting me help you get them into a form that will last for generations, grandpa.

Spending time with my parents and siblings and extended family made me miss them. And the east coast they live in. I was absolutely giddy about spending two weeks in the cold weather. I loved being able to watch my boys play with their grandparents, aunts, and uncles. Someone should move out here near us. Ben? Hannah Banana?? Dad???

Spending so much time with my kids (way more than I wanted because they slept with me) reinforced how much I love them and will do anything for them. I had several people comment on my mothering skills while traveling back home. In a good way. Each time I said thanks, but thought "I'm just doing what I need to. What are they talking about?" Looking back, I see that simply by not giving up when all of us were falling apart, I was showing them how much I loved them.

Spending so much time apart from my husband was horrible. We both decided we'd never do that again if we can help it. Grandma and Grandpa J, I don't know how you do it. I heard that song "All I Want for Christmas is You" on the radio while in NY and realized, besides the fact that I can't stand it, that all I wanted was to be home with John. I didn't need anything else. Just John.

So that's what's on my mind this December. I have my family and I don't need anything else.

Except maybe Rock Band for the Wii. And some black boots. I'm not perfect, people.

PS - I read this post today and it simply reinforced how important family can be. And reminded me of my favorite Christmas. Anyone else remember Ben sharing his pizza from Santa?

Moments in a Hospital Room

Everyone should have the opportunity to spend so much unfettered time with each of their family members. I wasn't able to spend as much time as I would have liked because of my own boys, but the time I was able spend in the hospital with grandpa was wonderful. I wanted to record some of my favorite moments so that I don't forget them.

-The incongruity of grandpa in his hospital bed, wiggling his toes under the sheets, leading a meeting. He's a CTO and isn't willing to let anything slide while he can't be at work. He'd even participated in the 3 hour Board of Directors meeting that morning. That's grandpa. Always getting his work done.

-The opportunity I had to bring him two surprise books. One, the first volume of his memoirs. It was just a test printing. Unedited and without photos. But he loved it. The other book was from all of the family. He's been writing his book for us, so we thought we'd make one for him in return. It's a simple scrapbook with a page from each of us. I loved being able to watch him read through it. Tearing up at what each person wrote to him, and talking to their pictures. I wish every member of the family could have seen it.

-All of the people and life lessons we talked about. Grandpa has had a long, storied life. I'm looking forward to continuing to read his memoirs and learning even more from him.

-Going through the photos for his book. We were labeling them so that I'd know where to put them. But anyone who knows grandpa knows that this meant I spent hours getting to listen to grandpa's stories. I loved it.

-Tucking grandpa into bed. I'm grateful for the blessing it is to serve him. He's spent his whole life serving others and I love that he'll let us give back in these little ways.

No matter the outcome, I'm overflowing with gratitude for the opportunity to spend this time with him. I love you, grandpa.

For My Family

Every member of my family is both a science or tech nerd AND a music or drama geek. This video is for all of them. Enjoy!

Off again

I'm not feeling very settled in to Texas yet. Partially because it's not on the east coast, so it feels nothing like home. And partially because I'm barely here!

I wanted to let everyone know that I may not post much, or at all, for the next several weeks. The boys and I are heading to NY to spend some time with family while my grandfather is in the hospital. We've been through this before. This is the third fight with this same leukemia. And we know the odds aren't fabulous this time.

Few of us are handling it as well as we have before. We've been waiting for it to come back, but were shocked by how quickly it came on. No warning. We were hoping for another year to spend more time with him and allow him to finish his memoirs. There's still a chance that we'll have him around, but no one is counting on it. Ever the scientist, he even decided to go with an experimental chemotherapy this go round so that any result will be beneficial to someone.

Anyway, I have five days to get us packed, finish Ethan's birthday plans, and plan two events for church that will either happen while I'm gone or right after I get back. At least keeping busy is helping me dwell less on the chance that we'll lose him to infection before I get there.

Man, this post is sad.

Good Things

I haven't been writing much about the good lately. Even with the misery, we've been having a lot of good around here. Here's a few.

John and I, because the baby keeps us on a weird schedule anyway, have been making time late at night to talk. Having two kids with very different needs makes us miss 'us', so it's been good to take some time to reconnect. Even if it means missing out on a little more sleep.

My recovery this time around was SOOOO much better, meaning I've been able to enjoy having a baby. I've never been a baby person, but I just can't get enough of Edward. Even with his issues, I'm already sad that he's growing up. (For anyone who's wondering why I mention my recovery 4 months out, it was really that bad last time. I don't really remember what Ethan was like until he was about 6 months old. So I'm soaking it all in this time. Maybe in the future I'll write about what I learned from those months.)

Edward, when he's not in pain or overtired, is the sweetest and most happy baby I've ever met. He is a huge flirt, is always ready with a big grin or giggle, and could not possibly love me more. Makes getting through the rough spots a whole lot easier.

Ethan, although he is a typical 3 yr old boy (read: CRAZY!), is so much fun. My favorite thing is his singing. We listen to a super-old Janice Kapp Perry tape in the car and Ethan knows most of the songs really well. I absolutely love to hear him belting out "Jesus understands MEEEE!" and "Who will preach the gospel? I will!" everywhere we go.

And I decided to mess with my favorite cookie recipe and made it even better! I'll post it below for those of you who asked about it. Mmmm. I might need to make some more tomorrow.

Can't Stop Giggling

I am taking an online scrapbooking class (my big Christmas present) that is more about sorting so that usable photos and ideas are visible than it is about scrapbooking. So I've been spending most of my evenings with photos spread out all over the living room floor.

I just can't stop bursting out laughing!! Both of our families are hilarious! My favorite pictures this evening are of Hannah at about four years old. Ethan makes the same faces! I'll scan them in and post side-by-side pictures later.

So anyway... sorting through boxes and boxes of photos has been more fun than I expected. My abs were sore last night from laughing.