Blessed Sleep

I sent out a plea for help six days ago. Thank you so much for all of your suggestions!

Here's what we did.

First, we cut out the nap. I've had a day or two where I really needed the break from him, but he has been much more ready to sleep at bedtime. (Added bonus, he'll occasionally tell me he needs to "rest his legs" and lay down on the guest bed with a book for ten minutes or so.)

Second, we cut down on the books. We've been reading two books ever since he was old enough to pick. Two was easy then because they were short board books. Now, two is kind of ridiculous. We cut it back to one and he hasn't complained at all. And it gives us the opportunity to reward him with an extra book without punishing ourselves.

Third, we put a fan in his room. We'd been frustrated with staying quiet so that we wouldn't get the "You woke me up" excuse. And even when we hadn't made a sound, kids playing football in the park across the street would make noise. (This may have contributed to the monsters fears.) The fan makes enough white noise to block out just about anything.

Fourth, and maybe the biggest, we found a new way to combat the "monsters" in his room. Our assurances of safety and "monster cleansing" techniques hadn't been enough to calm him down. But after several long talks about how God is bigger than the monsters and can keep us safe, Ethan came up with the idea that he should pray about it. So he now asks for Heavenly Father to keep him safe in his personal prayers each night. Now we only hear about silly monsters.

For six nights now, Ethan has gone right to bed. No screaming fits. No fighting. No hours of reappearing. It's wonderful. Thanks again for your help.

I Just Don't Understand

Ethan is still having issues with going to bed. Naptime and bedtime are the absolute worst times of my day. (And yes, he still needs his naps. You should see how much worse it is when he doesn't get them!)

He's had the same routine for most of his life and he makes sure we stick to it. Not a problem. The first issue is that he wants to switch the person doing it after each step. I think we may have allowed it some when he was younger, but not for some time. He knows that the person he chooses to put him to bed stays for the whole process. But everyday, he asks. And several times a week, he gets hysterical about it. We wrestle him into bed, offer him his prayer, songs, or holding hands (whatever comes next) three times, and move on to the next when he keeps screaming at us. (We've tried just doing them, but then he starts hitting. So now he has to tell us he wants them.) Eventually, we kiss him on the top of his head and leave him screaming. If he stays in bed, he eventually will scream himself to sleep.

You can imagine how much worse that whole process is when only one of us is home and he doesn't get to pick who puts him down. Like naptime. When the screaming keeps his brother from going down too. Fun for me.

I said "If he stays in bed..." This is an even bigger problem. Ethan will not stay in his room longer than five minutes. We'll see him every few minutes for HOURS. Sometimes he screams and cries, sometimes he just wimpers. But he always comes out. We've tried everything. We've calmly put him back in bed over and over. We've talked during the day and again at bedtime about how we go to sleep. We've put in extra nightlights to scare away monsters. We've taken away the extra nightlights because he plays with them. We've taken away every toy he takes to "sleep under his bed." We've pleaded. We've yelled. We've threatened. We've even tried spanking. (Gets us a few more minutes in between, but he still comes back out.)

Nothing is working. We love this kid the rest of the day, but we hate him at bedtime. I just don't understand what's going on. So I have no idea how to fix it.

Some Random Things

- Edward got his first tooth on his first birthday. That could have been bad, but we didn't even know he was teething. Yay for my stoic, sweet guy!

- Ethan is having sleeping issues. Mainly going to sleep issues. It takes hours every night, and napping is non-existent. (It was only four days a week before, but he still needs it.) Our boy is exhausted. He's so tired that he's started having tantrums again. Like he's two. And the nearly constant whining and crying is driving me out of my mind. We have no idea what the problem is and have found nothing that will keep the boy in his room. Really no fun at all.

- Edward is a chatterbox. He almost never stops talking. I love that he looks at me and rattles off whole sentences, like I should understand exactly what he's saying. We've figured out a few. Mama, Dada, and Hi are all obvious. Then there are those that no one else would get. Ethan, All Done, What's That, Ball, and Raaar (as in roar). Also he has a specific grunt that means "Yes, my diaper is stinky." And he has the "no" head shake down pat. Loving that we can communicate more!

- John is shaving off his goatee in three days! Really, two days and a wake up. I'm so excited!! I've decided to call it a Christmas present to me. I've been ready for it to be gone for a while. He's had it for a year, people. A year of a scratchy faced husband is not my favorite. (I love him, just not his unkempt facial hair.)

- My Grandpa's doing great. We couldn't even let ourselves hope for this before, but he should be home for Christmas! Probably even the traditional Danish Christmas Eve at the farm. I wish I could be there. (Also, this means I really need to decide on a layout program and a printer so that I can buckle down and get his book ready for publishing. At least the first volume. Any suggestions? I've used Blurb, but have some issues with their layout program. Solvable ones, but it's easier to avoid them all together.)

- How is it that Christmas is so close and I haven't finished my wrapping???? Usually I'm done shopping before December hits and I'm done wrapping by the middle of the month. I like having the last few weeks to just relax and enjoy the season. Life managed to get in the way this year. At least I'm done shopping. (Unless you're family. We're aiming to have your gifts done by the end of January. Hopefully.)

- I need to clean the boys bathroom. But I think I'm going to go make some chocolate gingerbread cookie bars instead.

Sleepers

Wow. My boys may be demanding when they're awake, but when they sleep...they sleep.

Ethan has always been an amazing night sleeper. Even as an infant he didn't wake up much. He hasn't been napping lately (which I HATE!), but it means that by bedtime he is so ready. His routine is short and sweet and then he's out like a light. Fabulous.

This evening we kept our big boy awake a little late. (You don't want to know why. It was gross.) By the time we kneeled down for family prayer, Ethan was curled up on John's lap. For the first time in months he let someone else say the prayer. Only a few minutes later, he was sound asleep. And he'll sleep until his clock says 7. How great is that!

Edward finally started napping on a semi regular schedule. He takes two 2 hr naps during the day, with the weird quirk that he's awake for a while in the middle of the first one. Bizarre. And at night, he's is only waking up once. We've even had one night when he didn't wake up at all!!

Our adorable little guy has some funny sleeping requirements. First, except for rare occasions, he will only sleep on a flat surface. Not in the car, not in our arms, only in a crib or (in a pinch) on the floor. Second, he needs his pacifier in his mouth. That one's normal. Third, he has to be holding on to something. A blanket, a toy, anything. He just needs something in his hand. I think it may even be his right hand, but I'm not sure. And fourth, his face has to be covered. He started this on his own, but we quickly caught on. Put him in bed, put a blanket over his head, he rolls onto his side and falls asleep.

I wish I could have taken a picture of Edward they way he fell asleep in the car this morning (again, a very rare thing). He had his pacifier in his mouth, he was holding on to his toes with one hand, and he was holding his hanging toy up against his eyes with the other. So him. He really is an angel when things are just right.

15 minutes

That's the average length of Edward's naps. On occasion I'm lucky and get 20 or 25, but not very often. How much can I get done in 15 minutes? It's just long enough to pee, get Ethan whatever he's spent the last twenty minutes begging for, inhale a snack, and MAYBE fold half a load of laundry. Not a whole lot.

And the rest of the day? Much of it is spent just feeding Edward. Although we switched him entirely to formula so that he would actually fill up and thus eat less often (Thanks John!), he'll take 45 minutes to finish his bottle. So lets optimistically say he eats every three hours or so. That's 45 min of eating, at least 15 squirming around before deciding he's tired and zoning out, another 10-20 falling asleep, and then 15 min asleep. That leaves an hour and a half when he should be awake, happy, doing his 4 month old stuff, right?

I wish. Because I'm not nursing him anymore, Edward is afraid I'm going to abandon him. In his perfect world, I'd hold him 24 hours a day. I wouldn't mind so much if he took decent naps, but... We've had to compromise. I can put him down for a while, as long as I stay within two feet of him and in his direct line of sight. If I leave that tiny zone, or just don't look busy enough to not be holding him, my ears are assaulted by the screaming. It's a new scream he's developed, just for me. Edward's strict requirements mean that I move him around from room to room, and from spot to spot, every few minutes so that I can get things done. My side of the deal? At least once a day, I get to let him scream. Yup. Maybe for a quick shower, or to eat, or to clean something I don't want him that close to. All with the wonderful screaming ringing in my ears.

Ultimately, it's working better that the previous method - holding him all day while only managing minimal housework and becoming depressed about how I'm neglecting every single aspect of my life. At least I get those 15 minutes. Three times day.

Barely Concious

That's me. I probably shouldn't try to do anything like driving, or cooking, or child-care. Man. Life needs to stop for a while and let me get some sleep. Last night, I was up with Edward twelve times. TWELVE TIMES!!!

Edward has been slowly deteriorating. Each time we increased his dose of Zantac, the benefits faded more quickly. But because reflux is supposed to peak at 4 months old, I figured I could ride it out. (Someone hit me the next time I think something so stupid. Please?) Peaking means that it's at its worst and will then take several more months to improve. That means sleeping and eating issues for several more months.

Enough is enough. So we had a nice long chat with the dr today. Edward is still managing to grow and gain weight. But his weight gain is just on the edge of not enough. He also has every single one of the odd little reflux symptoms. Spitting up, not sleeping, constantly sucking on anything, back arching, a persistent head-tilt... (That last one is improving, but could mean physical therapy if he doesn't do it on his own.) There have also been a couple of signs that it all may be caused by a food allergy.

We're going to try quite a few things.

First, we're switching to Prevacid. More expensive and harder to give, but it shouldn't lose its efficacy like Zantac did.

Second, adding solids should help with the weight and the sleeping.

Third, I'm going to do some stool testing at work that could confirm an allergy. (If the dr sends it to his lab, we would have to pay for it. So we're taking advantage of my job. Plus it gives us an easy reminder to touch base when I call the dr with the results.)

Fourth, I'm going stop nursing on demand and put the boy on a schedule. This means he'll nurse MUCH less often. Seems backward, I know. But he's using it purely for comfort too often, and stimulating his stomach to make more acid.

And fifth, the biggest, a modified Ferberizing. I've been nursing him to sleep, so he doesn't know how to comfort himself when the pain wakes him up. So we are instituting a bedtime routine and putting him to bed awake. Normally, the Ferber method would have us leave him alone in the crib, but he's too young. So we'll stay next to the crib and sooth him however we can without picking him up. It'll be miserable. But hey. I was up twelve times last night. I know miserable.

Thats our little guy for now. John has been managing more sleep than me b/c he can't nurse Edward. But I'll be recruiting him for these new efforts so that he can share in my zombie-like ways. Hopefully things will improve soon.

My Snuggly Boys

John has always been snuggly. (Don't be getting any ideas ladies!) But Ethan and Edward just aren't the snuggliest of guys. Ethan is good for a short hug on occasion if I make a sad face or when he's hurt. But I'm not his dad, so I don't get much else out of him. And Edward, who is such a mama's boy that he screams when even John holds him, would rather look around at the world or eat my shoulder than give me some real lovin'.

Last night, Ethan wasn't feeling very well. (My fault. I'd used the wrong sunscreen on him and he broke out in a nasty rash.) Even with the Benadryl, he wasn't sleeping well and came into our room several times. Usually, John walks him back to bed and he goes right back down. But last night, as soon as John would get up, Ethan would climb into his spot and snuggle up against me. He doesn't even remember waking up, but I loved those few minutes of snuggly Ethan.

Edward has been sleeping better. Not great. Just better. Once he's down for the night (those few hours when he fights it are the worst of the entire day) we do ok. But it's the naps that are still an issue. Rarely does he sleep longer than 30 min. I'd be able to rock or nurse him back to sleep if I didn't have a 3 yr old who is getting really sick of not yelling or stomping (or spitting or shrieking or....) while his brother is trying to fall asleep. (Edward is also realizing that he doesn't like to be dragged around to Ethan's activities all the time. What fun is the park or a museum for him?) So Edward is tired and cranky a lot. Not all the time, but a lot of it. Today, he was tired without being cranky. And this meant I had my first intentional snuggle! He layed his head down on my shoulder and tucked his little face into my neck. Didn't last long, but it felt so nice.

It may not be often, but I love when my boys are snuggly.

Aren't Babies Supposed to Sleep?

Edward started out as a fabulous sleeper. He made babies seem so easy. Then, it started to change. Our first thoughts were that it was a gas issue. So I lived without vegetables and chocolate for nearly two months. No chocolate for two months!! But he was still getting worse.

So two weeks ago, I took Edward in to have his ears checked and to discuss formula options. After going over his symptoms, the dr asked a few questions and said he suspected that reflux was the problem, not gas. So we started the boy on Zantac.

Miracle of miracles, it worked! For about a week and a half. Suspecting a few other things that could be keeping him up (earache, hunger, etc...) I took him in again. After I made this appointment, the office called and changed the time b/c our dr was covering the nursery and there were more babies that needed extra attention than usual. The new time was decidedly less convenient. I grumbled. I considered canceling. I could have called and had his zantac dose raised without having to go in and pay the copay.

But I'm so glad I didn't! Not because something was horribly wrong. All we ended up deciding was that he needed a higher dose (surprise, surprise). BUT... because I was concerned that my milk supply has been decreasing already, and the boy will need one of those "special" formulas (read: expensive), the dr gave me some. No, not just some, a CASE! Six whole cans! The twenty dollars for the copay wouldn't buy one! Have I told you I love our pediatrician?

And yes. Edward is sleeping better already. We'll just need to up his dose of Zantac every so often to keep it that way.

...can't...sleep...

It's 1:30am Monday morning and I can't sleep. There are a million reasons that I should be totally zonked.

1 - I just worked a grueling three days that pushed me so far past my limits I started having contractions. My body can barely handle my regular days at the moment. Work days are much longer and require me to be on my feet more. It doesn't help that before work on Friday I insisted on making a HUGE grocery store trip with Ethan. I need to do those when I have someone else to unload the car for me. (For anyone who is unaware, I work the evening shift. So after most of my regular day with Ethan, I hand him off to his dad and spend another eight hours on my feet at the hospital. On the weekends I do get to sleep in a little more, but my pregnant body doesn't recover very quickly.)

2 - I'm into the not-so-fun part of the pregnancy where I'm swollen, sick, and tired all the time. Already. I'm exhausted. I can't even pretend that I don't want this baby out NOW!

3 - I take a sleeping pill! The anti-nausea meds I still need are also a sleep-aid, but somehow have never seemed to help me sleep. Even my dr is confused by this one.

So really, I should be sleeping. The nausea and muscle spasms from pushing my body too far keep me from my rest. I have no idea how I'm going to function tomorrow, but Ethan won't disappear, so somehow I'll have to.

Why won't he sleep!!

Ethan has decided that he doesn't need naptime or bedtime. They get in the way of playing. He literally screams "I NEED TO PLAY!!!" when we put him down. We've tried just about everything. Finally, last night, we just left him in his room. He played for 2 hours. TWO HOURS! Then he slept in until 9am. Such a weird kid. But I'm a night owl, so maybe he's just becoming more like mom. I don't know. I like the sleeping in thing, but John and I miss our quiet evenings and it takes me hours to stop clenching my teeth after putting him down for a nap. Anyway, he's driving me bonkers! (And not helping my stress level AT ALL.)