Ethan is still having issues with going to bed. Naptime and bedtime are the absolute worst times of my day. (And yes, he still needs his naps. You should see how much worse it is when he doesn't get them!)
He's had the same routine for most of his life and he makes sure we stick to it. Not a problem. The first issue is that he wants to switch the person doing it after each step. I think we may have allowed it some when he was younger, but not for some time. He knows that the person he chooses to put him to bed stays for the whole process. But everyday, he asks. And several times a week, he gets hysterical about it. We wrestle him into bed, offer him his prayer, songs, or holding hands (whatever comes next) three times, and move on to the next when he keeps screaming at us. (We've tried just doing them, but then he starts hitting. So now he has to tell us he wants them.) Eventually, we kiss him on the top of his head and leave him screaming. If he stays in bed, he eventually will scream himself to sleep.
You can imagine how much worse that whole process is when only one of us is home and he doesn't get to pick who puts him down. Like naptime. When the screaming keeps his brother from going down too. Fun for me.
I said "If he stays in bed..." This is an even bigger problem. Ethan will not stay in his room longer than five minutes. We'll see him every few minutes for HOURS. Sometimes he screams and cries, sometimes he just wimpers. But he always comes out. We've tried everything. We've calmly put him back in bed over and over. We've talked during the day and again at bedtime about how we go to sleep. We've put in extra nightlights to scare away monsters. We've taken away the extra nightlights because he plays with them. We've taken away every toy he takes to "sleep under his bed." We've pleaded. We've yelled. We've threatened. We've even tried spanking. (Gets us a few more minutes in between, but he still comes back out.)
Nothing is working. We love this kid the rest of the day, but we hate him at bedtime. I just don't understand what's going on. So I have no idea how to fix it.
Sunday, February 15, 2009
I Just Don't Understand
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7 comments:
a couple of suggestions (things you may already be doing.)
1. give him choices. Do you want to brush your teeth while I sing the ABC's or Twinkle Twinkle? Do you want the red PJs or the Green Ones? He's struggling for control and you need to give him as many choices as you can so he can feel like he's in control (even though it's actually you.)
2. After I put my kids down, I wait just outside their doors and read a book (or play Matt's Nintendo DS). Everytime Miles (or anyone else, but usually Miles) goes to open the door, I just say, "uh oh!" Usually, I don't have to wait there more than 15 minutes before they're asleep.
3. It sounds to me like you might need to bite the bullet and eliminate his naps. Anna was like Ethan staying up FOREVER if she got a nap. Finally, I just got rid of her nap and she was exhausted by bedtime.
It's a fine balance to strike and bedtime is our biggest struggle (well, that and cleaning up), but eventually it gets better.
I'm with Alissa on trying giving up the naps.
If I am wound up for some reason, I can't fall asleep even if I am exhausted. My thoughts are racing and sleep is nowhere in sight. So I read in bed and eventually fall asleep. Helps my brain to "turn off". Obviously Ethan can't read yet, but what about listening to a kid audiobook? (the audio version of "the nap video"...
have you ever locked him in? i hate the getting up every few minutes game. we threaten locking Jane in and 70% of the time it works. She hates the lock. And then, when she still gets up, she gets locked in and then we don't see her little face. We still have the nights where she fights it until 9 or 10, but the lock (a bungee cord from the outside onto another object)seems to be our best bet/
I'd simplify. Brush teeth, one book, one song, and that's it. And the only thing that helped with one of our boys is putting a removable baby gate in his doorway to keep him in. You'll probably have to explain to Ethan that he has to have the baby gate up because he's not staying in his room by himself. You'll also have to put the gate up high enough that he can't climb over, but not so high he can slither under it.
Our naptime struggles are horrendous, too. My first gave up naps at 2 1/2. The second one is threatening to do the same. So although it sounds inconsistent, he doesn't get a nap every day. When he doesn't get a nap, he goes to bed an hour and a half early. You may want to tell Ethan that he doesn't have to take naps anymore, but don't tell him (unless he knows how to read a clock) that his bedtime has changed.
My older son had a long period of having "quiet" time instead of naps. The only rule was that he had to stay on his bed. We piled it high with books, and half the time he fell asleep. The other half, he stayed in there until I told him he could come out an hour later.
Even later, he just needed a movie while baby brother was napping. He needed a break from physical play to be happy.
Hope some of the ideas people are leaving help! Good luck!
Mia -
I can SO sympathize with sleeping issues. Sam is the worst. Zack is a piece of cake comparatively. I'm with the others about trying to give up the nap. We had major issues with Sam's bedtime, and he wouldn't be asleep until 10 and both of us would be exhausted, frustrated, angry, tired, etc, and just want some KID FREE TIME but it's 10pm and you know your kids are going to be up at 6.
Anyway - Sam would still take naps if I let him, but I don't. I'd much rather have him falling asleep exhausted at 7:30 than fight the battles. Maybe it's time? Only for you to decide though. It's definitely a sacrifice duing the day.
The gate idea is a good one. I don't have lots of other ideas for you. Just sympathize with you. We deal with sleeping issues all the time here. I think the number one thing for you to decide is how much crying you can take. Then, make a clear decision about how bedtime will go, explain it to Ethan, and stick with it no matter what.
GOOD LUCK. Wish it were simple. You're the mom, so you know best...
Good luck Mia! My friend was having problems with her boy and this was her blog entry:
http://lkmortensenfamily.blogspot.com/2009/01/success-twice-now.html
Mia,
Though I'm sure it's no consolation, we can all sympathize with you!! I think the suggestions given so far are great.
I'd give up the nap. It's hard at first because they are so grouchy (and you need the break during the day) but we did it several years ago and Cameron now falls asleep within 5 minutes every night (at 7pm) because he is so exhausted. Then do some sort of quiet time (we do 40 minutes in his room doing whatever quiet activity he choses. Others do movies, books with mom, whatever) to give him a break during the day.
And we use locks as well. Joshua fought it at first and now checks to make sure the door is locked before he tucks himself in bed.
I have no new suggestions, just know that we are all on your side and understand completely! Don't give up and be sure to try something for several days before giving up as the first and second nights are always the hardest.
Good luck and keep us posted!
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