Listening

As we've been particularly focused on pleading with the Lord for John to get a job, I've been thinking a lot about how I listen for an answer. Or really, how He speaks to me.

Usually, it's a gut feeling kind of thing. Something just feels right. We're in Austin right now because of one of those. The more I fight against those feelings, the stronger He makes them, until there is no room for doubt.

I've had physical experiences when He needed me to know right then that something was right. As in, punched in the stomach, knocked the wind out of me experiences. Went to BYU and married John because of those.

I've even had an audible answer. If you don't remember, I got my Edward because of it.

I received the strangest one yet last month. While I was in the shower, BEFORE going to the temple, I received a clear picture in my mind. Literally a picture. A picture that will be a comfort to me for the rest of my life. Couldn't even focus on what we'd planned to pray about at the temple, because this picture was reinforced for me the whole day. It didn't even answer the question I'd had. Simply put it in perspective. With a picture. (No, I'm not going to share. Probably ever.)

Finally, I'm becoming more aware that He's talking all the time. And part of me has been listening. All those little day-to-day inspirations as a mom and a wife that I'd taken for granted. That somehow I hadn't realized I'd been enjoying. I'm sure there's even more that I'm missing because I'm not listening as well as I could.

Gotta love those big answers, but it's the little ones that affect me every day. I need to focus on hearing those better. To work on being a better listener.

It's the next morning and I feel the need to clarify. I don't mean to brag that I've had all these memorable answers to prayers. Not at all. In fact, I'm a little bit embarrassed by how the Lord has to talk to me. Because apparently I miss the little messages. I just don't get it unless he "sends me a sign". So I need to work on being a better listener.

Edward During the Prayer

Everyone watches their kids during prayers, right? I love to see what they do. Tonight at dinner I got a particularly good show.

When everyone folded their arms, I glanced over at Edward. Usually, he's busy shoving food in his mouth. Not today. He pulled his little hands against his chest and scrunched his face down. Over and over during the prayer, Edward would pull his hands away, look at his palms, and then pull them back into position. Each time tucking his head down to look at his hands.

I could have watched him all day. Too soon the prayer was over and he moved on to eating. But I will never forget my sweet 14 month old son trying so hard to fold his arms.